I was blessed to have wise, understanding, kind parents. Many times in my childhood when I thought my life was falling apart, usually from another child criticizing or mocking me, it would only take a few words from either of them to comfort me and renew my hope in the future. They would say, “That boy/girl is only jealous of you and doesn’t want you to think on your own because they want control over you.”
One of my biggest childhood problems was dealing with the expectations that others had for me, or worse yet, the judgements of other people toward me even to the point of ridiculing how I dressed. I wanted to do my best at everything; to be the top of the class, best in kickball, the finest musician, and you can add your own wants here because I’m sure they are similar to mine.
But, in wanting to achieve, I allowed the opinions of others to temper the thoughts I had; how to react, how to deal with others, and worst of all, how to think. I had allowed others to be in my head telling me how to run my life and had stopped thinking with my own heart and intuition. Was an object or situation good or bad? All my good intentioned friends and even adults would tell me what to think.
What made that harder yet, was that by allowing their opinions to shape what I thought, it also made me vulnerable to their anger or disappointment of me if I did not do what they had wanted me to do. My life was being run by others and I was in constant fear that they would think I was a bad person if I didn’t do things their way.
Does this sound familiar? Did this happen to you too? IS IT HAPPENING TO YOU NOW? Do others make you feel bad if you don’t think the way they want you to?
Perhaps in becoming older I have taken on the idea that, when I need to decide something for own life, the opinions of others don’t matter, or maybe it is from gaining some wisdom through the years like my parents had. No matter. What does matter is that I no longer allow others to dictate how I think.
How did I do this? It can be done by us all if we trust our own wisdom and intuition. It can be done if we remember that if a person becomes disappointed in us when we don’t do what they want, that is their own problem to deal with and not ours! Too long have we allowed others to tell us how to think and we have been afraid to stand up with our own ideas; to be our real selves.
No person can make us feel bad, or sad, or intimidated, or bullied, or humiliated, or like less of a person unless we ALLOW them to do it to us! All we need to do is to tell ourselves, “I am the most important person to tell me what is right.” This has nothing to do with being narcissistic or selfish; it is only a matter of taking care of our own thoughts and personalities. No one else lives our lives or thinks our thoughts so why should we allow the opinions of others in our heads to make us feel bad?
If the words or actions of another make you feel like less of a person, you need to take a deep breath, stand up tall and ignore what they are demanding. If they have a problem with that, then it is only their problem and not yours. If they really cared about you they would have more unconditional love and respect toward you.
Don’t be intimidated by others. Breathe deeply, stand tall, and think for yourself. People can only do to you what you allow them to do!!
